Out sick.. be back soon.

I've been really unwell the past few weeks and lately haven't even been able to blog. The medication I was on was making me sick because I didnt have any tolerance for it, so my body was being poisoned inside out. It wasn't until I lost all feeling in my hands and feet that anybody took it seriously. That said, we got the answer this morning and we're on the way back to being healthy.

I've got to take a bit longer to take care of myself, but when I'm healthy I'll be back.

See you soon.

Finding what you are looking for...

I've been working on the background and research for NaNoWriMo and while I am finding it extremely enjoyable and stimulating, today I am finding it a bit, well interesting.

I have been working with a certain premise, certain ideas and have been looking for different things within history to back up my idea so to speak. Much to my surprise, or perhaps not, what I was trying to create with my book and the things I have been trying to find to prove it - are there.

The concept I was trying to prove has been thought of by someone else and proven in the same ways I was looking to do it. I can't decide how I feel about this. Logically I know that there are only so many stories and they are repeated and retold by individuals adding their own slants, but somehow this is different. This was what I considered to be a far out concept, something I had never thought of before and I was looking to all areas of historical events, art, music etc., to find ways to make it sound true.

I think I have decided to still continue on with the concept but I would imagine I have to put a much different slant on it now, as it has already been proven to be true. Yet I still find myself searching in my mind for any possible way that I may have heard this before, but I know it is impossible. I think perhaps I will add this situation into the main character and see how he/she handles it, what he/she gets out of it and how they move forward with the knowledge.

I guess we all look for signs to show us we are on the right track and perhaps this is one for me. I just find it interesting because I was searching for a way to find my character in this situation, I've found it. *lol*

Practise love through words

Every human being on the planet is capable of feeling love and of showing love. The ways we do so are what makes us unique and individual yet common and human.

We can all show love through our physical actions and reactions or we can show our love through our written words, musical melodies or monuments we create.

I do not know of any writer that has not on some level in at least one of their written pieces, been influenced by their own life. Perhaps it is a long lost love that fuels their prose, or perhaps it is a love that cannot be entertained in this lifetime. Sometimes it is loves that are lost and other times it is loves that have never been found.

As a society we have placed rules on what is right or wrong or acceptable and those "guidelines" can hold people as surely as if they are hanging in a noose. Some loves cannot or should not be shared if you follow the rules to be liked, accepted and in some cases remain out of jail or even alive.

Yet when you write, you can explore all of these situations, good and bad and create the reality of how you want it to be. You can explore the mistakes and make them right, you can create opportunities to share love where there were none before. You can dream up endings that are worth even a moments breath of a beginning.

I know for myself each of my novels has offered me a time, a place, a person and an opportunity to explore and even change a situation that I had felt was unfinished. In my own mind, making peace with the situation was my way of showing and practising love through my words. It may not ever mean anything to anybody else but it makes the difference to me and that is enough.

I am sure that for as long as I write, I will find ways to show those that I love, that have influenced my life and my heart, how much they mean to me. Perhaps it will be a glimpse of an experience we once shared, a dream we thought of together or even just a recap of a perfect sunset.

I think including real life "momentos" for those that are in our hearts is part of what makes our writing reach other people. They can recognize their own love and heart condition and maybe it makes them smile or feel not quite so alone in this world.

Isn't that what we all want? To be known, to be heard and valued. To be able to share the goodness and love we have, no matter how it makes us feel now? To know that our experiences are not unique enough that no other human has not been there before us, to know that no pain is enough to overturn us on our path? To know that we can find comfort, solace and love - even if it is by just reading someone elses words.

Getting out of our own way... one word at a time...

I like most writers can get stuck in many phases - the idea phase when there is just too much on the planet to sift through to come up with one solid idea or concept to work with. Compound that with the surety that every story has been written and that you have nothing to add and the never ending edit cycle and its a wonder anything ever gets done, put out there to be read at all.

Lost in another period of indecision today I went looking for inspiration and found this picture of Fotosearch. To me it is perfect. I reminds me that I am in the centre of what I am doing and that everything else surrounds me. The past, the present and the future - but they are all outside of me. Yet if I choose I can get up and walk straight ahead in whatever direction I want filled with the security of knowing that no matter what way I chose, it isn't wrong and will lead me to the place I want to go. Sure there may be detours or unplanned changes in direction, but perhaps they are to be cherished and not anguished over. Perhaps each of these moments is time for a seed to have been planted somewhere inside that we can access later when the depths have been explored.

To perhaps know that there is no wrong and no right removes the fear of both failing and of succeeding. It just is - nothing more and nothing less. In my non writing life I call these types of things deal breakers - and when I remove them from any equation I can explore the situation without fear. Then I can be free to just learn and explore with no judgment or retribution as I am usually hardest on myself.

I believe the hardest thing for a writer is to just write, without self editing to death - even for our own purposes and not even for god forbid, any form of public consumption. But why? Do we paint other people with the same brush?

It is because we care so much about what we create that we are afraid, and that is a good thing and is as it should be. But we do need to stop and get out of our own way to get on with this. Just as in the real world it can be done one step at a time... one word at a time... starting now.

A place to write...

They're building my home office today.. and I am so excited. This picture is not of my office, but the colors etc., of the wood, the walls, carpet and drapes are the same. I love the neutral palate of warm earth tones and for me, they allow me to relax and feel at home while I create charaters and worlds so different from my own. That said, once my office is done and set up, I'll take a picture and post it.

I've always worked and perhaps not having an office to go to for the last 8 months since I have retired has made me miss a defined "work space". I can write anywhere and mostly the distractions of life, people etc., don't bother me. But I do feel more productive when I have a place to organize myself, my tools and my research. If I am to be completely truthful I also feel that having this space will enable me to take myself and my writing seriously.

My choice as a career has always been to be a novelist, above all, period. I have been good at many other things I have done and have excelled at, due to primarily, hard work and a strong work ethic. I believe those characteristics among so many other things, will be required to continue and move ahead with my goal of becoming a successful, published novelist.

I have big goals and dreams for myself and what I want to achieve in this next part of my life and having this office is the next tangible step for me towards this goal. I'm so ready I can taste it... and tomorrow my post will be done from there! Have I mentioned that I am excited???

Feeding the hunger...

This happens every time I start to prepare for writing a novel. The hunger, the thirst for knowledge is incredible. I feel myself always reaching out for more. The more I learn, the more I want to learn.

When I am working on an outline, researching for backgrounds and characters I find myself getting lost in time as I search for more details to make it so real I can live it. If I can taste it, smell it and feel it, I know I can write it. That just fuels the fire even more until it cannot be extinguished, except by the actual writing of it.

In that regard I have to say that I am glad the next challenge I will face regarding my writing will start in November - the National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo. That gives me enough time to do the preparation that I want to do, without giving me too much time to get too antsy and lose my creative excitement for this new project.

While I have written 5 novels already, they were for a different contest - the 3 Day Novel contest. Given there are only 3 days to write, obviously there are only so many words that are able to be written. In such a short period of time, I have found that for me, it is impossible to get into as much depth with each of my characters, as I would like to explore, so having a month to do so - well I'm pretty excited. Please don't read that as me not liking the contest because I do - and I have already committed to doing it again next year. It is not something I cannot see myself doing for many years to come.

That said, I feel that this new contest will help me stretch my wings to expand characters and story lines in ways that I have never done before. The "expectation" or "requirement" to meet for the month is 50,000 words and for me personally, I am going to extend that as far beyond as I am able to.

If I can write 38,000+ words in 3 days I feel a certain amount of confidence in reaching the 50,000 mark in 30 days. I have jumped into a group that has a minimum goal of 100,000 words but obviously would like to greatly exceed that. I would love to reach some of the 200,000 and 400,000 words that I have seen some people write but given this is my first challenge of this kind, I am not sure what is realistic for me personally, but I'm pretty darn excited to get started and find out for myself!


Perhaps a funny parting thought - I never thought I actually knew what passion was. I don't mean the chemistry/love/partner kind, I mean for life and knowing my place within it, or if I was doing what makes me happy.

I always had a secret envy of people that I could obviously see living their passion, the ones that knew what they wanted to be and do before they left the womb, or so it would seem. Not envy in a bad way, just more a wish or deep desire to feel that same feeling. To know I was doing something I loved. I had always imagined it would be something I would find myself immersed in for hours without noting the passage of time. To me, that was a recognizable sign.

To my greatest pleasure I find myself in that place now. I know it didn't happen by accident and that I have been creating this life each and every day - with every thought and action. Now that it is here I am overwhelmed and humbled. Deeply humbled and so very grateful.

I love doing research...

I'm not sure which part of writing a novel I enjoy more - the actual writing or all the research into the story and characters. I just love it. I find it completely fascinating and the best parts are when you come up with an idea that just seems to flow. Then as if by some miracle it links up perfectly to another idea that you had making them all part of a cohesive story outline.

That said, please don't think this happens all the time for me because it doesn't. I think it happens for me when I am clearest on what I want from my story and how I want the main character to be. Then I just set out to find the background details to get me from point A to point B.

That then feeds the insatiable need I have to write and fuels me to continue until I can no longer read, type or concentrate. I'm sure we have all had those exciting moments when things fall together.

Now comes the hard part, the waiting. I'm doing this research for a novel I'll be writing in the NaNoWriMo contest that starts in November... so I can't write a lick until then. Ah well, it will be worth it when November comes and I am just bursting with ideas, information and background to put into a great story.

Richness of descriptions...

I'm reading a book right now that is so rich with description that I am continually amazed as I turn each and every page. What perhaps I love is how this author barrels right over the line I have feared to look at, much less have the courage to ever approach.

As this author explores the riches and the depths both with equal pleasure - it does nothing but inspire me. For myself and my own writing I wish to imitate such an effect on my readers.

I have always been afraid of exploring the darker sides of life and my characters, but I can see through this author that in doing so, it makes the experience that much better. The exact opposite of what I had thought would happen.

What I do still have to face however is how to feel my characters to write them accurately without taking them on as myself or part of me. Not that I will become a crazy serial killer, what I mean when I say that is when I feel their emotions enough to write from their perspective - I need to ensure that I have clearly set out my boundaries so I do not attract this energy to me or my life.

This author has shown me how to do this and I am grateful, truly grateful. Perhaps that is why I have chosen the picture of the gargoyles or more accurately grotesques. They are seemingly evil and scary - yet they actually represent a safety for their owners, its all really just a matter of perspective.

Novel #5 is done....

Well folks, I'm back after doing my 5th consecutive 3 Day Novel contest and I'm so proud of myself for doing it again this year. I think this year was my biggest challenge yet. I knew what to expect and now that it is over, I'm glad I did so I could prepare in advance. I prepared mentally, emotionally and physically. But I also did great on my research and outline as the contest allowed.

I also reached my biggest challenge as a writer but passed my inner critique with flying colors. When I began I wasn't sure how to do what I wanted to do in the story - but instead of being daunted by the challenge I just stuck in and you know what, I figured it out as I went. I know that may not be helpful if you are looking for clues on how to overcome your writers challenges - other than to just work your way through them.

I love this contest and I love how it teaches you something new every year. Each year I can honestly say that besides the satisfaction of completing I also believe I have learned valuable lessons in writing as I progress.

I'm going to be doing NaNoWriMo in November for the first time and am really excited about it. One of the people that did the 3 Day won NaNoWriMo last year so that was great to see.

I've been taking a really interesting writing course and am looking forward to my next assignment. Its my most challenging yet, but now, I have no doubt I am up for it.

Some fun stuff coming up next week; we've had a custom made office created for us and it is being installed into our home next week. Now I will have my own dedicated place to write. I know I should be able to write anywhere - I do and I can, but having my own space to put my books, my notes and all of my supplies is going to be such a wonderful gift, I can hardly wait.

We ordered some new office chairs with some great support and they arrived yesterday - so really, all I have to do now, is get out of my own way and get writing.

On that note.... *lol*... I'll see you tomorrow.