Getting caught up...

Hi there,

Been gone for a while and its taken a bit to get back here..

Give me a few days to get a few more things done and I promise, I will be back here every day, just like I used to be.

NaNoWriMo - Day 9 Report - WC 61,119

I ended last night with and have hopes of today writing 15 to 20k. I know it is a big goal, but I will do my very best to reach it. I know I have done 13k on more than a few days and I do think it is possible. I've also entered the word wars with Toronto competition and ever word counts.

I must say that I have seen a few people with word counts in the 200 and 300k ranges and it sincerely amazes me. I don't doubt for a moment they are doing the work, but I cannot fathom writing that many words in one day. I don't know if my mind could process that many thoughts and send the messages to my fingers *lol*.. it is truly an achievement to behold.

I know we must all work at our own pace and that is what I will continue to do - buoyed on however but increasing word counts like none I have ever seen.

NaNoWriMo - Day 8 Report - WC 52,506

It's still raining but I love it. I haven't started writing for today, but yesterday I finished up at the 52,506 mark. I feel that I have a lot to write today, but it is pretty emotional so perhaps that is the reason why I am taking my time doing everything else I need to before I immerse myself in this character today.

I can hear her calling to me and her voice is getting louder and I know it is time to go.

Hoping your muse is taking your writing beyond your hopes and dreams today.

NaNoWriMo - Day 6 Report - WC 39,704

Hello there. It's been a few days since I have updated my blog. I've been writing quite steadily but I cannot deny that I did take two days off, the first because I am fighting the flu (as in not wanting to get it so wanted to take a day and rest) and the other because I spent a blissful 6 hours at the spa and was quite mush by the time I was done.

I've also taken it easy with the words because like most of us doing this contest I'm sure, my wrists were sore and my mind was almost empty, of story related items that is.

I needed a good mental break to allow me to recharge my writing batteries, come up with some new ideas, new twists and turns and breathe more life into my characters and story.

This 30 day thing is definitely challenging but I am loving the opportunity to revisit all these characters in my mind over and over so that I can explore so many things, that I might not otherwise have had the opportunity to do.

Still loving this contest and while I am getting close to the requisite 50,000 words for the contest, I am not yet one third of the way through to my own goal. Perspective can be sobering.
That said, I am still having great fun with this and I hope you are too. Keep writing!

NaNoWriMo - Day 2 Report - WC 20,180

It was a beautiful fall day today and I loved every minute of it. Even the rain when it poured in buckets. The time change added an hour to my day so I happily added a Pilates session to my day today.

With my husband home I chose to spend a large amount of my time with him today and am going to stop today after only writing 7,934 words today. I'm ok with that and am still pleased at my progress after two days. Not what I had hoped, but ok nonetheless. I have made no big plans for tomorrow, so I will spend a full day writing again tomorrow and Tuesday if I am lucky.

I'm still not entirely sure if I am logging my word count properly on the NaNoWriMo website as it doesnt seem to show up anywhere other than my Author/Novel pages, but that is ok. I'm sure all is well and that the site is overloaded.

Well... my husband and one of our favorite shows await.. I do love our Sunday routines.

See you tomorrow.

NaNoWriMo - Day 1 Report - WC 13, 246

Well its 10:30 on day 1 of NaNoWriMo. I didn't start last night at midnight, I waited until 9am this morning. I wrote on and off for the majority of the day as my novel began to flesh itself out in my mind.

Some characters were more present than others, but the eventually all came out of the woodwork and are starting to play nicely together. I am pleased with word count for today, managed 13, 246 which I think is a pretty good start. I can only hope to keep up the pace as the days turn into weeks.

I do have to say that working on a novel is hard work, hard enough for 3 days, but somehow having 30 days to do one is seeming harder. In a 3 Day contest you know that you only have 3 days to write, so you do so much prep work (at least I do) and when it turns to 12:01 you blast off to write all the stuff that has been percolating in your head for so long. By the time you press save at the end of the 3rd day, you are exhausted physically, but perhaps more important, mentally and all of your ideas are explored and spent.

Doing this for 30 days is so much more than achieving a 50,000 word count, although please don't take that to mean I am understimating the importance of that, nor the significance of achieving that monumental goal. Most people never write anything more than a cheque once they are out of school, so doing 50,000 words is an incredible feat, one to be proud of.

For me however, it isn't the word count that will be as much of a challenge as to continue my story in such a way that it flows, ebbs and weaves together in a way that is pleasing while ensuring I get from A to B having said what I wanted to say and exploring what I wanted to explore. I am finding some great tie ins between characters and have them pretty much fleshed out. It is now the challenge of getting from B to C that will carry me through the next little while.

This story is going to be so much bigger than anything I have done before and I'm excited but more than a wee bit nervous about how I am going to get there, if I have a story large enough, detailed enough, crafted enough to get me to the finish. Well its' all up to me and while I feel I could keep on typing for another hour or so, I am going to log off and go to bed.

Tomorrow is another day, so is the one after that and then the next 27 to work on this. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will this novel. Remember the tortoise and the hare? I'm officially taking off my ears and putting on a shell.

Until tomorrow...

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween everybody! I can't wait for the little kids to start coming by.. they are really the best, even though some of the teens have some great costumes!

After that..... well, we all know that at 12:01 NaNoWriMo starts... and it's about time I have to say... it seems like it takes so long to get here. I wonder if I will be saying that at the end of the month though *lol*...

Well, off to finish getting the house and costumes ready.... have a great night and Good Luck as you begin your Novel...

Inner Editor Lounge..

I'm working on the type of book that I would like to read. I love sitting in a room surrounded by books and a nice warm fireplace. I love a good book that will remove me from the elements and embrace me from cover to cover. I love a book that will make you forget every detail of your real life, for as long as you are able to escape. Or even better, make you stay longer that you had planned and even interrupt your sleeping time because you have to know what is going to happen and how it all ends.

I think it is important to know the feel of your book, almost as much as you know your plot, outline and characters. You can escape into any books whether they are Romance, Murder Mystery or a Sci-Fi - the genre doesn't matter. It is how it is written and what you want your readers to see, feel, taste and touch with your words.

Every day we tell stories - I don't mean lies or fabrications, I mean the stories of our lives and the moments within them. When we are relating our day to our spouses or relaying information to a friend or a child. The way we tell the details are what provides the fabric of what we are trying to say. Writing is the same - except we are typing the words that are in our heads and we must wait much longer for any feedback. Perhaps that provides us with a security blanket to say all the things we really want to say, because time will create enough distance to get us through any sort of criticism.

What would you write today if you knew that nobody would edit it or provide feedback for 30 days? Would you be more free than if you were verbally speaking to someone? Think of how much easier it is to have bad conversations over the phone or even via email. How much easier then is it to silence the inner editor by putting words down on paper that they won't even know about for an entire month?

Sounds like fun to me... and I can't wait to get started.

Power of Inspiration

We all wonder what makes us tick - perhaps almost as much as we wonder about what makes other people do what they do.

I'm still working on my outline and it made me think about the power of our inspirations. Some people call them muses, some people call them by names, human or etherial... but without them, can we ever come up with a solid idea? A solid storyline? A solid character or plot?

I'm posting a picture of elephants - because I love elephants and while my current story is not of animal nature I cannot help but think that if I am being made happy by viewing and thinking of something that I love so much, that it won't work its way into translating into a part of my story. I just need to turn off my internal editor and let the thoughts come and sort them out later.

What do you do to get your inspiration? Do you know the sources to turn to? Do you know what makes your heart happy so your mind can be free to explore what is inside? It's a fairly incredible process and an even more wonderful gift. I'm going to sign off now because I feel the need to feel some joy and cannot wait to see where that takes me.. and my story.

I hope you try it too...

Plot Direction

Today I am working on my plot and obviously some direction within the story to get me to Point A, Point B and ultimately Point C.

I think sometimes that people who don't write, do not understand how challenging this can be. Or perhaps more correctly, doing this in a way that is interesting to us the writers but also interesting to the readers.

You have to manage to keep the story going - at a fairly decent pace, while having enough detail and intrigue to move the story forward yet not give it away. Introducing new people, new places, new concepts and new theories is all good, but if their reasoning to be there doesn't make sense, it won't work.

I do however love that you can take a general idea, one comment, one piece of artwork and build an entire world around it. That is part of the fun - the challenge of creating something from nothing. That is what I am doing today.. but I'm also looking for some sort of compass to help me get there.

It's a good thing there are still 7 more days until the contest starts... I'll need each and every one of them.

Well, until tomorrow... happy writing!

Memories of my future...

Well I'm back and feeling great. My head is clear and I am able to hear my characters once again.

I am working on the outline for my NaNoWriMo and it's all starting to gel.

The working title is "Memories of my Future" and as you can see from the banner above, the artwork for it is borrowed from Salvador Dali's painting called "Rose Woman". I'm going to leave the banner at the top of my blog to keep me inspired.. and yes, as always I am open to comments in this regard.

I can hear the main character talking to me, I can hear her voice saying... "Walking towards my future with the gifts of my past. It's all so beautiful but why do I feel like I have been here before?"

A story about a woman's journey through her past to see where she has come from that explains her present and prepares her for what comes next. She imagines she has lived many lifetimes and knows this is her last incarnation as a human being. Always a curious and open minded person she searches all realms and all possibilities to obtain her of information.

Her current relationships, health situations, hobbies, lifestyle and career choices are all seeming to be pointing her in one direction. So she takes her inspirational muses of Mozart, Monet, Dante (among so many others) and begins to explore the world discovering among other things, the significance of the number 7 on the planet. She also realizes that everything she is learning (aka the gifts) relate to a specific linear time line in history ie: Knights Templar, Crusades, Mayas and War of the Roses to mention but a few.

During this historical journey she realizes that she needs these gifts now to move forward on her personal path... not that she has any idea yet, just what that is.

As I work through the outline and make it more clear and concise.. I'm sure I will be able to explain the ideas better, but for now... you have an idea.

Got to get back to my research... see you soon.

Out sick.. be back soon.

I've been really unwell the past few weeks and lately haven't even been able to blog. The medication I was on was making me sick because I didnt have any tolerance for it, so my body was being poisoned inside out. It wasn't until I lost all feeling in my hands and feet that anybody took it seriously. That said, we got the answer this morning and we're on the way back to being healthy.

I've got to take a bit longer to take care of myself, but when I'm healthy I'll be back.

See you soon.

Finding what you are looking for...

I've been working on the background and research for NaNoWriMo and while I am finding it extremely enjoyable and stimulating, today I am finding it a bit, well interesting.

I have been working with a certain premise, certain ideas and have been looking for different things within history to back up my idea so to speak. Much to my surprise, or perhaps not, what I was trying to create with my book and the things I have been trying to find to prove it - are there.

The concept I was trying to prove has been thought of by someone else and proven in the same ways I was looking to do it. I can't decide how I feel about this. Logically I know that there are only so many stories and they are repeated and retold by individuals adding their own slants, but somehow this is different. This was what I considered to be a far out concept, something I had never thought of before and I was looking to all areas of historical events, art, music etc., to find ways to make it sound true.

I think I have decided to still continue on with the concept but I would imagine I have to put a much different slant on it now, as it has already been proven to be true. Yet I still find myself searching in my mind for any possible way that I may have heard this before, but I know it is impossible. I think perhaps I will add this situation into the main character and see how he/she handles it, what he/she gets out of it and how they move forward with the knowledge.

I guess we all look for signs to show us we are on the right track and perhaps this is one for me. I just find it interesting because I was searching for a way to find my character in this situation, I've found it. *lol*

Practise love through words

Every human being on the planet is capable of feeling love and of showing love. The ways we do so are what makes us unique and individual yet common and human.

We can all show love through our physical actions and reactions or we can show our love through our written words, musical melodies or monuments we create.

I do not know of any writer that has not on some level in at least one of their written pieces, been influenced by their own life. Perhaps it is a long lost love that fuels their prose, or perhaps it is a love that cannot be entertained in this lifetime. Sometimes it is loves that are lost and other times it is loves that have never been found.

As a society we have placed rules on what is right or wrong or acceptable and those "guidelines" can hold people as surely as if they are hanging in a noose. Some loves cannot or should not be shared if you follow the rules to be liked, accepted and in some cases remain out of jail or even alive.

Yet when you write, you can explore all of these situations, good and bad and create the reality of how you want it to be. You can explore the mistakes and make them right, you can create opportunities to share love where there were none before. You can dream up endings that are worth even a moments breath of a beginning.

I know for myself each of my novels has offered me a time, a place, a person and an opportunity to explore and even change a situation that I had felt was unfinished. In my own mind, making peace with the situation was my way of showing and practising love through my words. It may not ever mean anything to anybody else but it makes the difference to me and that is enough.

I am sure that for as long as I write, I will find ways to show those that I love, that have influenced my life and my heart, how much they mean to me. Perhaps it will be a glimpse of an experience we once shared, a dream we thought of together or even just a recap of a perfect sunset.

I think including real life "momentos" for those that are in our hearts is part of what makes our writing reach other people. They can recognize their own love and heart condition and maybe it makes them smile or feel not quite so alone in this world.

Isn't that what we all want? To be known, to be heard and valued. To be able to share the goodness and love we have, no matter how it makes us feel now? To know that our experiences are not unique enough that no other human has not been there before us, to know that no pain is enough to overturn us on our path? To know that we can find comfort, solace and love - even if it is by just reading someone elses words.

Getting out of our own way... one word at a time...

I like most writers can get stuck in many phases - the idea phase when there is just too much on the planet to sift through to come up with one solid idea or concept to work with. Compound that with the surety that every story has been written and that you have nothing to add and the never ending edit cycle and its a wonder anything ever gets done, put out there to be read at all.

Lost in another period of indecision today I went looking for inspiration and found this picture of Fotosearch. To me it is perfect. I reminds me that I am in the centre of what I am doing and that everything else surrounds me. The past, the present and the future - but they are all outside of me. Yet if I choose I can get up and walk straight ahead in whatever direction I want filled with the security of knowing that no matter what way I chose, it isn't wrong and will lead me to the place I want to go. Sure there may be detours or unplanned changes in direction, but perhaps they are to be cherished and not anguished over. Perhaps each of these moments is time for a seed to have been planted somewhere inside that we can access later when the depths have been explored.

To perhaps know that there is no wrong and no right removes the fear of both failing and of succeeding. It just is - nothing more and nothing less. In my non writing life I call these types of things deal breakers - and when I remove them from any equation I can explore the situation without fear. Then I can be free to just learn and explore with no judgment or retribution as I am usually hardest on myself.

I believe the hardest thing for a writer is to just write, without self editing to death - even for our own purposes and not even for god forbid, any form of public consumption. But why? Do we paint other people with the same brush?

It is because we care so much about what we create that we are afraid, and that is a good thing and is as it should be. But we do need to stop and get out of our own way to get on with this. Just as in the real world it can be done one step at a time... one word at a time... starting now.

A place to write...

They're building my home office today.. and I am so excited. This picture is not of my office, but the colors etc., of the wood, the walls, carpet and drapes are the same. I love the neutral palate of warm earth tones and for me, they allow me to relax and feel at home while I create charaters and worlds so different from my own. That said, once my office is done and set up, I'll take a picture and post it.

I've always worked and perhaps not having an office to go to for the last 8 months since I have retired has made me miss a defined "work space". I can write anywhere and mostly the distractions of life, people etc., don't bother me. But I do feel more productive when I have a place to organize myself, my tools and my research. If I am to be completely truthful I also feel that having this space will enable me to take myself and my writing seriously.

My choice as a career has always been to be a novelist, above all, period. I have been good at many other things I have done and have excelled at, due to primarily, hard work and a strong work ethic. I believe those characteristics among so many other things, will be required to continue and move ahead with my goal of becoming a successful, published novelist.

I have big goals and dreams for myself and what I want to achieve in this next part of my life and having this office is the next tangible step for me towards this goal. I'm so ready I can taste it... and tomorrow my post will be done from there! Have I mentioned that I am excited???

Feeding the hunger...

This happens every time I start to prepare for writing a novel. The hunger, the thirst for knowledge is incredible. I feel myself always reaching out for more. The more I learn, the more I want to learn.

When I am working on an outline, researching for backgrounds and characters I find myself getting lost in time as I search for more details to make it so real I can live it. If I can taste it, smell it and feel it, I know I can write it. That just fuels the fire even more until it cannot be extinguished, except by the actual writing of it.

In that regard I have to say that I am glad the next challenge I will face regarding my writing will start in November - the National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo. That gives me enough time to do the preparation that I want to do, without giving me too much time to get too antsy and lose my creative excitement for this new project.

While I have written 5 novels already, they were for a different contest - the 3 Day Novel contest. Given there are only 3 days to write, obviously there are only so many words that are able to be written. In such a short period of time, I have found that for me, it is impossible to get into as much depth with each of my characters, as I would like to explore, so having a month to do so - well I'm pretty excited. Please don't read that as me not liking the contest because I do - and I have already committed to doing it again next year. It is not something I cannot see myself doing for many years to come.

That said, I feel that this new contest will help me stretch my wings to expand characters and story lines in ways that I have never done before. The "expectation" or "requirement" to meet for the month is 50,000 words and for me personally, I am going to extend that as far beyond as I am able to.

If I can write 38,000+ words in 3 days I feel a certain amount of confidence in reaching the 50,000 mark in 30 days. I have jumped into a group that has a minimum goal of 100,000 words but obviously would like to greatly exceed that. I would love to reach some of the 200,000 and 400,000 words that I have seen some people write but given this is my first challenge of this kind, I am not sure what is realistic for me personally, but I'm pretty darn excited to get started and find out for myself!


Perhaps a funny parting thought - I never thought I actually knew what passion was. I don't mean the chemistry/love/partner kind, I mean for life and knowing my place within it, or if I was doing what makes me happy.

I always had a secret envy of people that I could obviously see living their passion, the ones that knew what they wanted to be and do before they left the womb, or so it would seem. Not envy in a bad way, just more a wish or deep desire to feel that same feeling. To know I was doing something I loved. I had always imagined it would be something I would find myself immersed in for hours without noting the passage of time. To me, that was a recognizable sign.

To my greatest pleasure I find myself in that place now. I know it didn't happen by accident and that I have been creating this life each and every day - with every thought and action. Now that it is here I am overwhelmed and humbled. Deeply humbled and so very grateful.

I love doing research...

I'm not sure which part of writing a novel I enjoy more - the actual writing or all the research into the story and characters. I just love it. I find it completely fascinating and the best parts are when you come up with an idea that just seems to flow. Then as if by some miracle it links up perfectly to another idea that you had making them all part of a cohesive story outline.

That said, please don't think this happens all the time for me because it doesn't. I think it happens for me when I am clearest on what I want from my story and how I want the main character to be. Then I just set out to find the background details to get me from point A to point B.

That then feeds the insatiable need I have to write and fuels me to continue until I can no longer read, type or concentrate. I'm sure we have all had those exciting moments when things fall together.

Now comes the hard part, the waiting. I'm doing this research for a novel I'll be writing in the NaNoWriMo contest that starts in November... so I can't write a lick until then. Ah well, it will be worth it when November comes and I am just bursting with ideas, information and background to put into a great story.

Richness of descriptions...

I'm reading a book right now that is so rich with description that I am continually amazed as I turn each and every page. What perhaps I love is how this author barrels right over the line I have feared to look at, much less have the courage to ever approach.

As this author explores the riches and the depths both with equal pleasure - it does nothing but inspire me. For myself and my own writing I wish to imitate such an effect on my readers.

I have always been afraid of exploring the darker sides of life and my characters, but I can see through this author that in doing so, it makes the experience that much better. The exact opposite of what I had thought would happen.

What I do still have to face however is how to feel my characters to write them accurately without taking them on as myself or part of me. Not that I will become a crazy serial killer, what I mean when I say that is when I feel their emotions enough to write from their perspective - I need to ensure that I have clearly set out my boundaries so I do not attract this energy to me or my life.

This author has shown me how to do this and I am grateful, truly grateful. Perhaps that is why I have chosen the picture of the gargoyles or more accurately grotesques. They are seemingly evil and scary - yet they actually represent a safety for their owners, its all really just a matter of perspective.

Novel #5 is done....

Well folks, I'm back after doing my 5th consecutive 3 Day Novel contest and I'm so proud of myself for doing it again this year. I think this year was my biggest challenge yet. I knew what to expect and now that it is over, I'm glad I did so I could prepare in advance. I prepared mentally, emotionally and physically. But I also did great on my research and outline as the contest allowed.

I also reached my biggest challenge as a writer but passed my inner critique with flying colors. When I began I wasn't sure how to do what I wanted to do in the story - but instead of being daunted by the challenge I just stuck in and you know what, I figured it out as I went. I know that may not be helpful if you are looking for clues on how to overcome your writers challenges - other than to just work your way through them.

I love this contest and I love how it teaches you something new every year. Each year I can honestly say that besides the satisfaction of completing I also believe I have learned valuable lessons in writing as I progress.

I'm going to be doing NaNoWriMo in November for the first time and am really excited about it. One of the people that did the 3 Day won NaNoWriMo last year so that was great to see.

I've been taking a really interesting writing course and am looking forward to my next assignment. Its my most challenging yet, but now, I have no doubt I am up for it.

Some fun stuff coming up next week; we've had a custom made office created for us and it is being installed into our home next week. Now I will have my own dedicated place to write. I know I should be able to write anywhere - I do and I can, but having my own space to put my books, my notes and all of my supplies is going to be such a wonderful gift, I can hardly wait.

We ordered some new office chairs with some great support and they arrived yesterday - so really, all I have to do now, is get out of my own way and get writing.

On that note.... *lol*... I'll see you tomorrow.

Be back after the 3 Day Novel Contest is over..

Well, the 3 Day Novel contest is approaching quickly and with this being my 5th year of participation I do know what to expect and how much work it will be.

For the next two weeks I will be doing research and preparing my outline - yes, that is allowed. In the previous years I stayed with my outline for 3 of the 4 years and I really made good progress and finished my novel with time to spare. The one year I strayed - well lets not discuss the details, but I did finish it. I'm proud of the accomplishment for actually having done it - but it was more of a skeleton with some basic details and while it was cohesive it wasn't as rich or as detailed as I would have liked.

That said, I still believe that just having completed and submitting the novel for the contest is something to be proud of and is an incredible achievement. It's fun, it's gruelling and its challenging but the rewards for completing it are incredible.

So... with that as my focus, I won't be blogging again until after the contest is over. Wish me luck and I'll be back soon.

Writing is healing...

For me writing is very cathartic and I suspect it is for everyone else as well. Today will most likely be no different, with the exception that the impetus behind it is today's actual date. Today would have been my fathers 62nd birthday had he survived his 2nd bought with cancer and that is the fuel behind all of my writings today - blogs and otherwise.

I suspect that his death, our relationship and the lessons learned will work their way into the novel I will be writing in a few weeks when I do the 3 Day Novel contest for the 5th year. The first year my husband and I had lost our second baby a week before - so I not only had my topic, but I also had some healing. The surprise to me was that the healing was not just for me - but for my entire family when they read it and cried for their own memories.

The second and third years I had different stories and thoughts to write about. The fourth year mom died so I had my topic and again my own personal healing route. Again though, my entire family read it and they too had their own emotional responses.

This year I am under no illusion that the story will not be about loss, but if I am to be completely honest, while the other two were extremely painful to write about I am afraid this will be almost too hard to do.

Losing a second child through miscarriage after welcoming their existence is hard, incredibly hard - but it comes from a place of such love and purity that the loss is acute. Losing an incredible mother again was a complete devastation. Losing my father while being devastating leaves me with so many regrets, would haves, should haves, reasons and explanations to explore that I fear I will find more pain.

Our estrangement was too long and not healed when he died and now I find myself exploring everything that led up to that. One of the hardest things I am finding now is that I didn't know. Nobody told me he was sick, nobody told me he was dying. Nobody even told me he had died until when I was trying to reconcile with him 18 months later...

I never for one moment thought he would die or even be seriously ill and nobody would contact me. I never thought I would lose my place as his daughter all together, yet I was the one that walked away so have no rights in that regard and am not supported in my frustration and heartache. I am also alone in my grieving for him and that is my penance for doing the same to him.

In my looking back on the situation to see where it went off the tracks I am finding that things were not as either one of us had believed and large part our undoing was at the hands of someone else. I know he realized that before he died but I am only now just realizing it. It would be hard enough to deal with this for its own reasons but to know our separation was planned and perpetrated by another through deception and poison - well it will make for a good book, but it hurts like hell.

I know my heart is going to break and that scares me, yet I know it is necessary for my past, my present and the future I am holding myself back from. I think on some level I am preparing for that as much as I am preparing my story outline, yet I have faith that as with the other two, this will be just as cathartic for me. I know in my heart my father knows what I am doing and the condition of my heart and I feel confident that he will hold it in his hands and mend it when I need him to. He is after all, my father and he loves me. He always has I just didn't see it.

Change is constant

I don't know about anybody else but I always feel my life is changing. For a long time I fought against that change from a place of fear, but I have since learned that change is growth and it is a good thing- and is something to be embraced. So much so, I infact welcome change with a new excitment - wondering what comes next.

I have also learned that there can be beauty found in what can be perceived as chaos, this picture is one example of that. It is a perfect balance and representation of how we are like nature. I love the contrasts life provides us with and how that opens us up to such richness of experience.

As I begin to prepare for my 5th - 3 Day Novel Contest I am going to continue to explore the creative choices that have been provided to me in this lifetime.

I know what my hopes, dreams and goals are for the long term, it is just the short term ones that I need clarity on. I've always been a big picture thinker and am so focused that sometimes I can forget where my feet are at this moment.

Truth be told I do most things on faith and instinct and trust that I will feel my way through. If I feel good - then this must be good, if I feel bad this cannot be good for me. I do the same thing with my writing. When I am able to clear my mind and just let the words type themselves without self editing to death -they come. They always do I just have to get out of my own way to let them happen. When I do, I am never disappointed.

There is never a bad day of writing - for words are what they are, the meanings are what they have come to say to us and it is up to interpret them. I am choosing to be open to whatever is coming to me and I have faith in my creative abilities that they will lead me in the direction that I am to go in - even if it is not what is pictured in my mind at this moment.

While my writing efforts are going to be focused on this contest - my blogs here until the September 2nd when the contest is over - may be sparce. I will be back as often as the writing allows - both internally and externally.

Allowing life to come to you...

I have been doing a lot of writing at home the last little while. I'm also preparing for two upcoming contests that I have coming up. I am also working on both of the childrens series that I had started. I have done outlines for two more and will focus on them next.

My success is coming to me, I know it.. I can feel it coming over the proverbial horizon. I am ready for it. I am so clear on my focus, my abilities, what I want to do and how to do it.

I am also open to inviting the success and then allowing it to come to me. I am positive, I am happy, I am doing what is right for me and I am confident but most of all I am grateful.

I am grateful for my life, for knowing what I want, for knowing how to ask for it, for knowing how to allow it to come to me, for believing in myself and being confident enough to know it will happen.

Writing can be a lonely thing - filled with tense feelings and fear of having our words and thoughts being judged. Instead I choose to welcome the gift of writing, the gift of creativity and the gifts of other people's opinions that will help me grow as both a person and as a writer.

I am ready, I am open... I am allowing... I am grateful.

Family of letters

This picture is called Family of Letters and since it came to me today, I know it has come to me for a reason and that I should so something with it.

I have written many things and while I have yet to post any of it here, one letter I wrote seems to fit and perhaps that is what I should post here today..

Sharing Faith


If you, like me, are lucky enough to have woken up 25 years or so into your marriage and are still in love with your husband I congratulate you. If you have chosen to have children, you may have a daughter that is learning about love all on her own.

As a parent you always wonder what the most important things are to share with your children and for me it is to teach my daughter about the love between her parents. It has always been there as the subtle foundation behind the scenes, but now as she becomes a woman she might want to know some specific mother daughter wisdom. She may not, but I’m still going to write it down so she has it in case she ever needs it.

I am writing this in a letter for two reasons. The first and most obvious is because I am a writer, but second and perhaps more importantly because over the years, my husband and daughter have taught me their currency. I have learned that if I do things in their currencies (as they do mine) it will most likely get my message across in the way I want it to be received. It would read something like this:

My dear daughter, as you embark on the next stage of your life to find yourself and a partner to share your life with, I thought I would tell you a little bit about what I looked for in a man when I was your age. I know times have changed, but believe it or not, some things remain the same. For years I had wondered if I would know when “the one” came along and like most of my friends I had almost given up on that hope on hearing that little voice in my head confirming it to me. That is until I met your father. These are some of the things I’ve learned and want to share with you.

If you can look into his eyes and see them sparkling with excitement about traveling the journey of life with you, then you must never stop looking to see the world through his eyes. If you can hear the warmth and safety in his voice; know it will calm and comfort you through even the most trying of times. Please always listen to him speak as often as he will talk and share his words with you. If both his eyes and his voice dance when he laughs you know that he will always keep you happy, as he knows how to be happy himself. If he knows himself he will be able to take the time to get to know you because he is strong and confident that he is good, decent and can make you happy.

Watch him when he is at home with his family. When you see how he treats his mother, how he listens to her and takes care of her every need, you know he will be a sensitive, loving husband to you. When you see how upset he gets when she is sick or hurt, know that is a sign of how deep his emotions go and how he would go to any lengths to save you from any pain. When you see how proud he is of the moments he shares with his father, you know he will be a loving, devoted father to his children and will always work hard to make all of his family proud of him.

When you’re alone, listen to him as he talks about his dreams and goals for they will show you your future filled with love, fun and adventures together. Let him keep his dreams and his boyish charm and he will romance you on any occasion simply because he wants to make you happy. He will do it because he loves you for letting him be himself and not trying to change him.

Take the time to learn the lessons he takes the time to try to share with you, its’ his way of showing you how he can take care of you. Open your eyes when he takes you to all of his favorite places – even if they are not your cup of tea, he is trying to share who he is with you to bring you closer together.

When you hold his hand and feel its strong yet tender grip, trust him and always keep the faith with him and it will be returned tenfold. When he orders dinner for you, opens the door for you, smile and thank him to let him know that you appreciate him and that you recognize his efforts on your behalf.

If he stays silent after asking him a question, give him the time to process his thoughts on his own and you can be assured when he is ready he will share all because you have shown him that you believe in him.

Let him be a guy and go and play with his friends, know that this isn’t a slight towards you – it is simply how he fills that part of his life, so he can be the man he wants to be with you. Have the confidence in yourself to trust him and more importantly to trust your decision in choosing him, and neither of you will have anything to fear.

Know that you see things in him that he may not yet see in himself and vice versa. Have faith that you are both there because of that greatness and that it will all be there when you are both ready to experience it.

All of these are things I knew about your father from the beginning and that is how I knew he was the right one for me. He always has been and always will be. I hope that you my daughter find a man that is for you, what your father is to me.

If you can feel it - they will too...

It has been said that all we have to do is to ask and it will be given. I think on the base, that is true - but you must also do your part. You must ask for what is right within you, you must believe you are deserving and worthy of what you have asked and when you receive it you must be willing to do so.

Your actions must follow what your words and thoughts are - or else you create confusion. The world as a whole cannot tell the difference between thought and action so will act on whatever is most prevalent. Do not dispair because there is always time to change your thoughts, to clarify what is important. The same goes with your writing. You must be clear on the direction you are heading or at some point it will all fall off the map.

Sometimes free thought writing is a good thing to see what else is going on in your mind, but once you have another direction, that is what you must focus on. Not being clear will create disharmony in your story, its characters and will not make you or your readers feel good. Your words will betray this confusion and will be transferred to those reading.

Be clear in your intention and the integrity of your people and the direction they are heading and your story will follow. Your reader will be able to settle into the world you are creating and be absorbed by its characters and ultimately take part in whatever they are experiencing.

As a writer you need to believe you can create this sort of all encompassing experience and then do everything you can to do so. Then you must be willing to receive the experience in whatever form it arrives. Just as your reader will.

If you can sit with your eyes closed and feel the story, feel the way you want your readers to react, then you can write it. It might just make all the difference in the world...

Photo credit: Istanbul Sunset by Atilla1000 http://www.flickr.com/photos/atillavibes/2647094390/

The richness of perspective...

So many times we are faced with life changing decisions after the fact. When we seem to think its too late to make the requisite changes, or when in fact it is.

Usually we question things when they are going wrong, when we are diagnosed with an illness, when someone we love dies, when we lose our jobs - typically when things are going badly and not according to "plan".

What would happen if we stopped periodically - in advance - to take stock of what is happening in our lives. Are they going the way we planned? Are there changes we want to make? Are there things we need to correct? Are things we can do to avoid a certain outcome now that we have this knowledge?

What is it that makes a person examine their life, their actions, their movements, their words, their legacy? Think of this when you are creating your own characters. Some lives seem fairly simple and others are extremely complicated. Is one 'tagged" or "sterotyped" as boring while the other is seen as exciting? Or is it the other way around... that "plain" is much preferred to "drama". its all a matter of perspective.

Like this gentleman - I believe he is sitting at Preachers Pulpit (and will confirm the photo credit once I have found it). He could be contemplating the greatness of the planet and the richness of his life that has led him to this incredible experience. He could be facing his fears or he could be letting go of hurt and pain. He could be suicidal and this picture was the last snapped before he pushed himself slowly off of the ledge. He could be "testing" his faith or challenging fate. He could also be a student doing a first glance at a geological study he is about to undertake...the options are endless.

So are the opportunities to create our characters and stories ... so why stick with the "expected" or "norms" and instead, think outside of the proverbial box. Try a new hobby out in a book, examine a situation you never want to be in - perhaps these will make you richer as a person and that will impact your life - both on and off of the paper.

Photo credit: Preachers Pulpit - to be advised

What is your fuel?

What is it that makes your fingers type faster than you knew possible? Is the emotion you are feeling truly what you think or is it covering for something else, something deeper?

Does that make your characters much richer than they would have been before? Does it add new layers to the drama?

Nothing is ever how it seems on the surface - not in real life, so why would our writing not reflect the same things? Even if we are looking to read as an escape - it still has to have the ring of reality to it or we will just put the book down.

Worse even than that - as writers, we put our own book down because we have lost interest in it because it has lost its way. Go back to that moment, remember how it felt, feel it, relive it - until you are in that place where it is all too real again. Then you can write about it again - this time with the genuine feelings that will make it all make sense and hold both you to the writing and the reader to what you have written.

Just make sure you are not adding too much fuel to your fire and that you burn out...

We get to create our own reality every day...

I think one of the best things about writing is that we get to create.

Every day, with every sentence on every page. We can create a person, a scenario, a place, a life and so much more - from nothing. We can use previous ideas, people we have met, places we have been as inspiration.

We can create people that we would like to be and events we would like to experience. As well we can explore our own demons and fears by giving them to our characters.

We can do in our stories - first, before we try something in real life. We can play out scenarios that we had left unfinished in our own lives to say what we have left unsaid. We can develop a storyline for what we hope to experience in our future.

I think that being able to "get lost" in a story of our own creation allows us to live as many lives as we have the time to create. We may physically only live one life - but if we are careful to hone our craft and do it well, we can live 10, 20 or 30 or more depending on how prolific we are or the type of things we write.

Every day is a new opportunity to create a different reality. I think the question is whether we should just limit ourselves to do this in our writing.

Just start typing and the words will follow...

What is it about writing that fills us with such joy, such peace, provides calmness and release? Is it the stories that we tell, they way they are told or is it just the simple act of getting it out that makes us feel this way?

For me I know that when I write something - that is when I learn what is going on in my mind, my heart and my soul. Sometimes I surprise myself because what I had intended to write - is something completely different by the time I am done. But its perfect and exactly what I wanted it to say.

I love the days when you have absolutely no idea what you want to write about, what the topic is - yet you push yourself to just sit down and get started. I love those moments of hearing your fingers hitting the keyboard and watching the words you are typing show up on the screen. I love the moments of surprise when you read your own writing and find that by some miracle that a) it makes sense and b) you actually did have something to say.

I believe there is so much going on behind the scenes in our worlds, lives and brain - to name but a few, that it should be no surprise there is always something to say or sort out in one manner or another. My husband for example - figures things out in his head and then talks or writes about it, where a friend of mine figures it out as she speaks. For me, I just start typing.

I love the sense of adventure of not knowing what is going to come out and what it is that I actually wanted to say. Don't get me wrong - not every day is productive and on more than a few days I laugh at what I wrote and then close the file quickly before anybody else has a chance to read it.

I do however have to say that most everything I have written has come to use at one time or another. Some thought, some brief trail of words that seemed so alone with no home when I wrote them all of a sudden are perfect in my third novel when I am trying to explain something. I love it when that happens, it gives me confidence that I am doing something I love and that I should be doing.

Is there anything that you have thought of or written a while ago that didn't have a "home" so you just saved it on its own? Is that message now valid for your current writing? Could you have now found your missing piece and solved your own case of writers block?

Take a look and I'll bet you will find the answers are already there... you just need to look.

Photo credit: Flickr - gclemens http://www.flickr.com/photos/giorgio-clementi/

Writers must also see themselves as readers...

Sometimes we need to look to the past in able to see ahead. At other times we need to face the darkness to see the light.

Perceptions, stereotypes and preconcieved notions can limit us while letting them go can propel us much farther ahead, sometimes gently, other times faster than the speed of sound.

Most everything we do is based on or rooted in past history, past experiences of someone or something.

There are probably not many original thoughts left on the planet. Sure enough there are plenty of opportunities for new thoughts for each of us as individuals, but not as a collective - and that is probably where and why it gets interesting.

If you combine the seven degress of separation that we all live within to the notion of there being only 6 basic stories in the world - you can see how challenging it can be to write something of interest to anybody else. I think that is part of the fun.

What each of us bring to every story is our own experience and our own perspective. Combine that with our own unique way of using words and you have a new twist to any story.

I also think as a writer we need to consider ourselves as readers.

Sometimes we don't want a new idea - we are looking for those feelings of comfort and relief knowing that someone feels the same. Sometimes we don't want the familiar and are looking for a distraction to break the pattern of monotony that has encapsulated us.

Sometimes we want to look at something thousands of years old and pretend we are the first to see it. They joy of that is it is partially true - the first time that we see it - counts as a first time to us. Being able to experience that joy, wonder, amazement and awe is an incredible gift and does not in any way get lessened by the fact that others have seen it before and many will see it after.

I think that is why writing works - because there is enough room for everything. Past, present and future - and for each of us, that is an individual journey. Our own unique gift we bring to whatever we write.

So don't despair when you start to think its all been done before... nobody has done your version of it!

All I Remember is the love...

Today is my birthday and for the first and hopefully only time - I am going to post the same message on my blogs.

Actually, I couldnt say it any better than I did on the first one, so please feel free to go there to read the post.

http://www.damagedbricks.blogspot.com.

Have a wonderful day.

Holding the sun....

I have the "sister" to this picture/illusion "Woman holding the moon" on my other blogsite http://www.DamagedBricks.blogspot.com, if you would like to see it. Both photos have come to me today and as I have stated I believe it is because I am in a state of reflection today as I approach my 40th birthday tomorrow.

I also believe this picture is appropriate for this blog because the first novel I wrote in 2004 was called "Following the Son" and perhaps it is time to revisit it and reconsider the truth of the title.

The novel is about the lessons learned during the pregnancy and subsequent loss of her son, that lead to self discovery in ways that previously had been foreign. The inspiration for the title was from the song by Engima called "Following the Sun" had the lyrics of:

Following the sun, to find the one
Who's giving you the wings to fly
Following the sun, the golden one
Losing sense for space and time

Can you feel the waves of life
(Can you) hear the sigh of love
Do you believe in it ?

Following the sun, just for the one
Till you'll find the door you thought
Following the sun, like everyone
Searching for a sign of hope

Have a look up to the sky
See the billion stars above
Cos (maybe) on one of them
You'll spend your further life

I wonder if instead of Following the Sun... today I should revisit the story to amend it to emcompass the love for her son is still there, but instead of feeling the loss and hopelessness leading her to follow him, I should change it to her finding a place of "Holding the Son" in her heart.

I don't know if he will come back to her in another time, another form or another life, but I do know that she is richer for the experience and carries it with her through her travels of life.

With age comes perspective and change, what changes can you now make with the gift of time that you have been given?

Good vs. Evil, Write vs. Wrong...

Is there really a difference?

The real temple was built in gratitude for victory at the battle of Lake Regillus (495 BC). Castor and Pollux (Greek Polydeuces) were the Dioscuri, the "twins" of Gemini, the twin sons of Zeus (Jupiter) and Leda. Their cult came to Rome from Greece via Magna Graecia and the Greek culture of Southern Italy.

The last king of Rome, Lucius Tarquinius Superbus, and his allies, the Latins, waged war on the infant Roman Republic. Before the battle, the Roman dictator Aulus Postumius Albinus vowed to build a temple to the Dioscuri if Rome was victorious. According to legend Castor and Pollux appeared on the battlefield as two able horsemen in aid of the Romans. And, after the battle had been won they again appeared on the Forum in Rome watering their horses at the Spring of Juturna thereby announcing the victory. The temple stands on the supposed spot of their appearance. Postumius’s son finished the temple in 484 BC.

In Greek mythology, the Dioskouroi (Διόσκουροι), Kastor and Polydeukes (Κάστωρ και Πολυδεύκης), in Roman mythology the Gemini (Latin, "twins") or Castores, Castor and Pollux, are the twin sons of Leda and the brothers of Helen of Troy and Clytemnestra. Castor means "beaver" in both Greek and Latin, and poludeukeis means "very sweet". In the myth the twins shared the same mother but had different fathers which meant that Pollux was immortal and Castor was mortal. When Castor died, Pollux asked Zeus to keep them together and they were transformed into the Gemini constellation.

The lost Cypria explained the terms of their joint immortality as a gift of Zeus. In Odyssey, Homer renders the paradox: both buried now in the life-giving earth though still alive.
Even under the earth Zeus grants them that distinction: one day alive, the next day dead, each twin by turns they both hold honours equal to the gods" (Thanks to Wikipedia for the above)

No matter what way you take any of this information - this version of the Temple can have an additional element providing you with more of a story if you wish it to or are open to it. In the Hollywood movie Face Off - the two brothers - Castor and Pollux Troy - one is good, one is evil -if you choose to see it that way.

I think most of us at one time or another see things like that - as either black or white, good or bad, yet somehow that is not fulfilling and we look for more depth. When we look for more we can see that the brothers shared a love for each other that dictated they both accept their behaviour, their gifts and their challenges.

Perhaps there is beauty in both if we can look past preconceived notions. I think this adds more depth to each character and provides more options for a story. How would you handle something like this? Would you make both sides into one person? A multiple personality? Or continue to explore as two - but show how there can be good from bad and bad from good etc.? Take out the stereotypical views and attitudes to see how the characters develop themselves. Do they sabotage each other or try to uplift each other - at their own expense perhaps?

Creating things outside the box can be a rich and rewarding exercise and may just create something that is entertaining and brilliant, far more than you could have ever imagined.

Photo credit: dfworks http://www.flickr.com/photos/12081660@N00/

Did you listen to your soul today?

If so.. what did it say? What did the words mean to you? What story did they tell? Were you able to hear it behind all the noises and distractions of the day? Were you able to find the time to listen?

This picture of a bench made me think of that today. Perhaps it is the way the picture was focused.

Sometimes it is music that inspires us, sometimes it is pictures, sometimes it is other peoples words or actions... and sometimes it is nothing at all - just a raw, primal need to put pen to paper or to hear the all too familiar click of the keyboards. You know once you start to do it your beating heart will start to calm and your senses will come alive, you just know you are home, you were meant to be here, at this moment, doing this.

What could be more perfect?

Photo credit: syo0828 http://www.flickr.com/photos/14281332@N06/sets/72157603164785768/

World on fire...

This picture was taken in the Bitterroot National Forest in Montana on August 6, 2000 by a fire behavior analyst from Fairbanks, Alaska by the name of John McColgan with a Digital camera. Since he was working as a Forest Service firefighter this picture is pulic property and cannot be sold or used for commercial purposes.

I love this picture - the beauty of it, not the reality of the situation. What does this make you feel? How would you feel having been Mr. McColgan? If you were in the same situation as the deer? What do you see when you look at it - the beauty of the fire, the incredible beauty of the land, the water and the deer against their backdrop of flames? Do you see the greenness in the surroundings that you don't normally see in this situation?

Do you feel the fear of the deer? Do you feel sadness for the perceived inevitable or do you feel hope for the survival instincts that have led them this far?

How can such an incredible dichotomy be so perfect - yet so real with such real consequences that will far outlast this one single moment? Isn't that what life is about and made up of - moments like this?

Does every moment have such a drama, yet we don't see it because we are so caught up with our own lives? Do you have to feel fear or dread to realize what every moment before it and forever after holds?

On a personal note, when my father found out his cancer was not survivable - he went on a journey to his favorite places. This park in Montana was one of them - although he was there a few years after this fire.

I wonder if the inspiration for the story I will write from this was provided by my father. I wonder if this is my fathers way of showing me to look at more than his death and his final steps with anguish, fear and regrets - but to see the perfect beauty in his choice to be at his happiest with his final days...

Perhaps that is a place to start changing my perceptions that have been limited by my own experiences or lack there of.

There is beauty in everything if you want to see it and take the time to do so.

Alone ...

First lets get the important information out of the way - I found this picture on 'Stuff U Can Use" and there was no reference to who took it/created it. If you do know please let me know so I can advise the credit or remove.

I do not know if it is real or man made - either way I still find it absolutely incredible and it makes me want to write about it.

I think of the power of the ocean, the water and the waves. I think of the gifts water can provide and am in awe of its greatness. Yet I am completely aware of is power and how it cannot be taken for granted.

I love how this single calm seeminly peaceful man - having chosen such solitude seems so resolute depsite what is going on around him as if it holds no meaning or touches no places of fear within him. Is he aware of his possible or probable fate? Did he choose it or has he just come to a final acceptance of it?

Is he thrilled by the power and about to open his arms to embrace the openess of the sea - as if to fly on its highest of waves? Is it just one rogue wave or has each one before grown to end up with this magnificent finale? Or is the downside and having survived the worst he can be calm, knowing that the beast is retreating?

What does that sound like - this all encompassing, all consuming call of the wild. Is he deaf to the noise or just its beckoning threats? What does the cold air smell like? Is the freshness intoxicating? Just like you can smell the rain coming - there is a smell to a storm... but if you are not afraid, does the acridness begin to smell sweet like the froth that is stirred to the top? Does the cold water make you feel alive or numb you to the fullest of the experience?

One single moment - so many thoughts... how could we ever find enough words to capture the love, the fear, the peace, the despair, the power, the acceptance, the anxiety, the release and that feeling of being truly alive with all of our senses fully at their peak?

But you know as well as I do - we are writers and will try to find a way.... and that is as it should be.

I love to write...

It is something that I am fortunate enough to have the time to do. I also think I come by the need to write quite honestly, you see my mother is a writer too. I hope one day we can read something the other person has written as a way of getting to know each other better.

Until then, I'll give you a quick update of where I am today. To date I have written four novels, two childrens series and several articles, none of which have been published. Not that I have received any rejections, because I haven't actually sent anything out yet.

I am currently taking two writing courses that I am enjoying tremendously. I also enter writing contests to challenge myself. One of these days I will get things ready to move ahead to make my dreams come true.

You see I would like to make a career out of being a writer. Perhaps I will be one of the lucky ones and actually get paid for it. While that would be nice, I write for myself and that is payment enough. For now...