Reclaiming separation is hard to do...

I love a good cemetery where those we love are laid to rest. This however is not your traditional place of rest, yet it is however a "real" picture of a grand house being reclaimed by nature over time. Since its discovery there has obviously been some attempt at "rebuilding" to keep it safe on some level. I wonder if they will keep it this way as a symbol of the truth of all things.

It makes me think of a tv program I watched a few weeks ago about how long it would take the earth to recover once all humans had left it. It surprised me to see how short a time span it would be actually.

When you look at this picture do you see the beauty or do you see the work to be done to restore it to its previous state? Do you see how nature always survives despite our best attempts to forget it exists in order to build the next "highest ever" tower? For me it gives me hope and restores my faith. I know when I am in need of something - even when I don't know what it is exactly, I can go out into nature of any sort really - the beach, my garden, a walk in the park, and it restores and rebalances me. It gives me a sense of calm that no matter what we do to our planet, it will always overcome. I just don't always know if it can do so in my lifetime.

I think on some level that there is a moral divide in this matter. As I sit here in my home office typing on my laptop with my blackberry beside me, I am obviously aware of the benefits of technology and how much it impacts my life. Yet there is another side of me that loves the beauty of nature and wants to do nothing to harm it. I do my best with recycling and other things that help the environment, yet I continue to use so many things that are not eco friendly. I guess that is one of the true dichotomy's we live with, this is just one example.

I seem to have that in the characters I write and right now, even more within myself about this new character I want to explore more fully. I've written before about how I find it hard to write this dark exploratory stuff from my own voice and that I feel the need to create another persona to do so. Why is it easier to say the things you want to know about, from someone elses voice? I know the people I am going to write about feel the exact opposite.

All they want is to be heard on some level, to feel as if they mattered and as an ultimate result of their actions, they will be remembered. Where is it that things go so off that people lose their sense of humanity and want to be remembered for how many people they have ridded society of? What about the others that don't take out only the bad guys, but take out anybody they can find, how can they possibly hope or expect to be remembered for that in any kind of a good way? What does it take from the inside to not actually care that you are not remembered for anything good, but for the horror you inflicted. Is that actually true that they do not care or is that how they make their actions tolerable? If that is true, were they born with this type of callous disregard or did something, or a combinatoin of things make this combustion of imperfection happen?

On some level I feel the need to research this before I get into more depth with my character. Years ago I read Hunting Humans and In the Mind of Murderer and so many others, but I have started to re read them to get a good feel of this type of person. Yet I need to do so in my own way, with my own protection so this doesnt actually touch me. I know I have spoken of it before, but as you can see, I am still working on it. I wonder how other authors do it. I wonder how they keep the divisions of the characters separate from the divisions within themselves.