Avoidance vs. Acceptance

This picture is called 365 slices. It is a picture taken of the same place, every day for a year, then sliced together into one photo. I don't know who took it, but would love to give them credit. 

Today I was thinking about the concept of changing our perception from avoidance to acceptance. I thought that element would make an interesting idea to write about.  This picture to me is the same, it is just a different way of seeing something.  But it is the entire picture none the less. To me, that is what writing is all about. The idea to see something differently than before, to express something that makes someone think, to open up the experience to expand it, but not necessarily change it or abandon it.

Typically we run from something we don't like, something that has or can hurt us, something we judge ourself or afraid others will just us for/about etc.,  Can we assume this is usually a result of fear? On some level, a deeper level I believe so.  Because what we think about ourselves inside is far more damaging than anything anybody else can ever say.  Sure external words hurt, but if we didnt think the same on some level inside, those external daggers would not have the power to wound.

So rather than "feel it to heal it" we ignore it, push it away, down into these places within us that affect who we are to the core.  We continue to do that for so long, that we no longer remember we did it, it is who we are and we are changed forever.  For a while we toddle along not realizing anything has changed, then something happens, then something else and if we are lucky, we realize something needs to change. Other times we need a lot more somethings to happen before we come to that realization.

So then what? For so long we have hidden, buried, avoided, lied to ourselves about whatever this is, we no longer know how to separate it or how to find it, much less address it and fix it. Our instincts are the internal tools we are provided with to guide us, but by ignoring it etc., it no longer functions for us. Or more correctly, we no longer listen to it, because somewhere along the way our internal voice told us we can no longer trust ourselves, so we tell ourselves our instincts must be wrong as well. What we did is tell ourselves that not listening to our instincts we were doing wrong to ourselves. That combined with the original "thing" confirms to our ego that we in fact are not good, which reinforces the hiding, pushing etc.,  The ego loves this and grows exponentially in this place.  This is when others words have the ability to tear us down. We make ourselves vulnerable by not listening to ourselves, but to fix it, we seek external validation to correct the things we have done to ourselves.  Which obviously will never work.

Besides being a time, energy and emotion waster - it is a safe place to stay.  The ego loves it when we hide behind it and give it free reign to "protect" us.  Which ultimately becomes another layer to this problem.  Thus more time to correct, deal with etc., Which again, keeps us from addressing the real problem.

But what if we avoided this catch 22 cyle all together? I know it makes for good drama in our characters, as they explore all these layers/levels like peeling back an onion. But what if like the picture above, there was a different way to come up with the same ending, without all the middle drama, wasted time and effort? What if there was a way to learn something from these things we are afraid of?

That is the perspective I want to address now.  To do what that book says, to "feel the fear and do it anyways". That applies to both feeling it and doing whatever makes you afraid.  This isnt from a fool hardy perspective ie: fear of heights so you jump off of a building, I mean fear of facing a character issue, a conversation, that sort of thing. They both may have the same impact, but the difference is in doing this in a loving way to yourself.

If your attitude is always of fear, you will always be a victim.  If you always run, you will never feel safe. If you always move away from the problem, you will never have a foundation to grow from and build upon.  So instead of avoiding, I say we try to accept.  Instead of having a victim approach of why me, change that voice to a lesson mentality.  What can I learn from this? What did I need to learn that allowed this scenario to present itself?

First, you take your own power back by simply changing this perspective.  Things arent happening to you, they are happening for you. They are not being taken from you, they are being given to you etc.

If you embrace the situation, internalize the energy rather than giving it away, it remains yours. You can take that energy to find information, solutions, ideas about whatever it is, so it lands differently. If you can just stop for that moment and feel it, you will realize that nothing can kill you. It is not that dramatic. The pain my hurt your heart, dull your mind etc., but it cannot physically kill you. You will not break in half, you will not implode or dissintegrate. Knowing and believing this, will enable you to sit in that moment.  If you can sit with it and not react, it will settle into a place that can benefit you.  The energy that fear creates can be very powerful if you use it for your purposes, rather than against you.

Think of how you feel when endorphins after exercise or love make you feel.  That is energy inside that is just for you.  When you feel jittery or jumpy, that is external energy that you are giving away that doesnt work for you.

Acceptance is keeping the energy and strength just for you, where avoidance is giving away your confidence, power and ability to someone or something else.

See if there is something to learn. Not a tv commercial, not a book, but something that your inside voice is telling you. If you can sit long enough to hear it, then listen to it, the answers will come.  Every time you do that, your inside voice becomes louder and prooves itself over and over again.  This is how you will get to know your instinct all over again.

Now dont be silly and think your ego won't fight to regain its position of control and very survival.  Just thank it for the tool and help it was when you needed it, but tell it you dont need it anymore. It is something your body creates to serve you, but you are serving yourself in a different way. One that only has your bests interests at heart. 

This is the same as the conflict /battle in every story.  Whether it is internal, between characters or part of a situation. It is this struggle between ego and self, good or bad, for you or against you, avoidance or acceptance.

So.. with that in mind, I will end for today... and see what happens with my characters now that one is going to try this new way of thinking. I wonder if it will separate the characters? I wonder how this will add to their dynamic? How one will change their world while the other remains stagnant?

I am so excited to see how this story tells itself.... what will your story tell you?